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NOTES: Third-person is still my weak spot, but I think it's starting to grow on me. Here's my shot at something a little more dialogue-heavy. I like to try to incorporate each character's personality in the way that they speak, too. I feel like it'd be good so, if I just put each bit of dialogue down without indicating who's speaking, it wouldn't be too dificult to imagine who's talking. Anyways, here's chapter two.
Chapter 2
“You want to head into the Great Desert? Will I let you through?”
The man at the gate shook his head firmly,
“Sorry buddy, none shall pass.”
It was incredibly rare for Neal to become disappointed in anything, but he couldn’t help but think to himself, All that walking, and for what?
The plan was supposed to be simple: move from one place to the next, and already, he was only a few steps away from his destination. But then, the one thing obstructing his path, of all things on this desolate planet, was a gateman in a hardhat.
Neal knew that he wasn’t the only one interested in stepping on Menahatian soil, but he never expected to stumble across its other visitors so soon. Like bees in their hive, rugged men in workwear hustled in all directions, either navigating their way through their industrial maze or anxiously attending to their duties. What had once been land untouched for millennia was now crowded with heavy machinery, conveyor belts, and towering piles of crates.
Neal could already feel the set of rules and regulations breathing down his neck, despite having no purpose being here other than to simply pass by. And then, he wondered which of those rules was stopping him from even doing that.
“Boss’ orders,” the gateman said. “No strangers are getting through this baby unless you got clearance from the man himself.”
“Clearance?” Neal repeated.
Perhaps all he had to do was ask.
“I guess I’ll just go find your boss.”
The gateman shivered his head and blinked in surprise. It was common knowledge among the workers here that their boss was the type of man to have everything done his way, and his way only. Suggest something to him and he will outright refuse it. Even just talking to him wasn’t easy. But nonetheless, the gateman shrugged.
“Good luck, then,” he wished.
“Er, in case you were wondering, Dyrus’s office is somewhere back of camp.”
Neal waved farewell. “Thank you, sir!”
The gateman awkwardly waved back. He watched Neal turn the other way, wondering if the explorer would ever return.
* * *
“H-Hey! Are you the boss of this place?”
Sitting on a long couch, was a tall man in a dark suit staring out of his even taller windows. He held a glass containing a cold, dark beverage. He took a sip.
Then, under that man’s breath,
Neal gulped.
Neal tip-toed into the room from up the steel ramp. Suppose, this was the ‘Dyrus’ he was looking for.
Neal waited.
Dyrus’s sharp stare grew impatient.
Now was the time for a response.
“I-I do, I do,” Neal finally said.
He crept nearby the couch and explained, “I’d just like to get through the giant gate. That’s all.”
Dyrus’s glare loosened. “What?”
He blindly put down his drink onto the crowded coffee table, using its base to push around for space among the books and papers.
“You mean the one through to the Great Desert?”
Neal confirmed that was the place.
“WAHAHAHAHA!”
Dyrus’s big, booming laugh was so great, Neal flinched.
“You must be crazy!” the old businessman exclaimed.
“That place is HUGE!”
“And definitely the type to kill weak little dweebs like you.”
The explorer’s face lit up. “Yes! That’s it!”
Neal jumped to conclusions often, even knowing it wasn’t a good thing, but he always found it difficult to contain his excitement (in particular, when it came to the subjects of his interests). He held himself back immediately to save himself from disappointment.
Dyrus’s laughter died down with a sigh, and he smiled skeptically.
“What do you want to do with the desert, anyway?”
“I came to carry out an investigation,” Neal explained. “Y’know, for archaeology ‘n stuff. That’s all!”
“Hmph…”
Dyrus squinted his eyes. “You intellectuals are a strange bunch.”
And then he shrugged, “Well, suit yourself; ya got the pass.”
Neal couldn’t help but giggle and clap his hands.
“Ah, awesome!” he exclaimed, “Thank you, thank you!”
That was one obstacle down, which turned out a lot easier to clear than he thought.
Dyrus faced away, looking out the windows once again.
“Now scram! I’ve got business to tend to!”
Neal continued thanking the businessman profusely as he walked backwards to the room's exit. He nearly tripped on his way out. And then he ran off. All that was on his mind was the Great Desert, and all that he was eager for was uncovering the mystery it held. Now, he was sure this was the time for all of his research to finally pay off.
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